So here I am standing in my kitchen glaring at my dad while everyone goes soft on him, yes even Anne was patting his hand and asking about his health.
"Cut it out, will you?!" I screamed at the top of my voice,"All of you."
I could see surprise etched accross everyone's face, I can't blame them, I had just been told that my dad was dying and all I could do was scream like a little bitch.
Anne walked over to me and placed an arm on my shoulder,"Whats the matter love?"
I shrugged her hand off and paced for a while, running my fingers through my hair compulsively, then I finally gave in as warm tears rolled down my cheeks,"You always find a way to come out looking like the good guy, don't you..."
"Myra..." he begun.
"No let me speak!" I screamed at him, I could see the blood drain out of Andre's face,"I think I should go, this seems like a family issue," Andre muttered as he began to walk out.
"Sit your ass down," I shouted at him,"You're more like family to me than he will ever be."
Andre knew what was good for him, he glanced apologetically at my father then sat down at the kitchen table. I could see raw confusion written all over my dad's face,but nevertheless he stood there silently.
"All my life, I've craved your attention, I've wanted you to be there for me, not your stupid money..."
"My stupid money gave you a good life Myra, what more could you want?" He questioned.
"I wanted a father, like most girls... making your stupid money was an excuse to be away from me, I never really understood why you did it dad, but by the time I was old enough to stop caring I did it and now out of the blues, you happen to be dying so you want to rekindle family ties, you want to make things better... I've got a shocker for you dad, no amount of cancer is making me give you that chance, you had your chance and you blew it," I walked out feeling like the most insensitive human being in the world, I didn't even know where that came from all I knew is that it felt pretty darn good.I could hear Anne"s teary voice behind me,"Oh my God, I truly didn't see that coming, I'll go talk to her."
I didn't hear the rest of what they said because I had slammed my door and locked myself in, I never realised how hurt I was by my father's absense in my life, I always wondered why people bothered, it was quite fun when I had no step mothers trying to pry into my life,but obviously there was a time I cared, it all ended on my 7th birthday, my dad had been promising to take me to Disneyland all year, I had bragged about it at school, I had talked to my pet cat about it, I even started watching Disney cartoons ,which I hates, because of it. A day to my birthday he had a business meeting in London, I heard him leaving in the middle of the night like a thief, he told his assistant to take me to disney land, I didn't go. What he never understood was that I hated Disney productions and Disneyland, I hadn't been bragging about Disneyland all year, I was in a rich kid school so no one gave a rat's ass about Disney land. I was bragging about the fact that my dad was gonna take a day off to spend time with me in Disneyland. Tears ran down my cheeks as I remembered my 7year old self throwing her disney cartoon collection out the window, that was the day I stopped caring and now he came out of the blues to tell me that all he had to give me, all he had to make up for all that lost time was 'less than a year'? I wiped my tears and lay down on my bed, curling myself up in a fetal position. There was a soft knock on my door, I sniffed a little,"Go away, whoever you are."
"Sweetheart its me," My dad said calmly, but from the slight shake in his voice I could tell he had been crying, I felt a slight pang of regret as I got up to open the door for him.
He walked in slowly and closed the door behind him as I flung myself on my bed and resumed my moping.
"I know I wasn't the best father you could find and I don't expect you to understand why I did what I did, but after your mother died..."
"Don't give me that, 'you reminded me of her and I couldn't bare it' bullcrap, this is the real world," I snapped.
He chuckled," No I wasn't going to say that, you are quite the opposite of her, you're strongwilled, independent and besides you get your looks from my side of the family... I was going to say, it was hard, I didn't know what you wanted, hell, I didn't even know how to act like a dad, I grew up in the system... I figured that if I gave you everything you ever wanted that would make up for my inability to be much of a father to you."
"As cliche as this sounds, I just wanted you to spend time with me, dad, I didn't really care about the money... till senior high," I smiled sadly,"Tell me one thing dad, if you didn't have cancer and a year to live, would you be here right now?"
I rolled over onto my back so I could see his reaction, he sat on the edge of my bed,obviously nervous and shaken.
"I thought so," I shook my head,"Just leave, I can't deal with this right now, I really am sorry that you have cancer and that you're dying, but I can't help feeling its another avenue for you to abandon me."
He began to say something but evidently changed his mind, the silent plea in his eyes almost broke my heart, but I looked away before I could get sucked in.
He shuffled out the door, but never made it, he fell with a soft thud onto my carpeted floor,"Dad!!"
I looked around panicking as I ran into the kitchen where Andre and Anne were making sandwiches,"He collapsed, he's on the floor... I was so... call 911."
I ran out before they could say anything in response, I heard Andre on the phone and Anne was gasping through tears as she ran towards me and my dad.I felt for his pulse with my shaky hands, it took a while for me to find it, but I did.
Anne lowered herself to her knees and wept like a baby, she evidently still loved him very much, I put a comforting arm on her shoulder but she shrugged it off,"Don't touch me you selfish little brat, you always find a way to make everything about you, your father was dying and all you could do was whine about an empty chilhood rather than trying to get the best out of his last days,he was trying to make up for it, if he dies now I will never forgive you."
The creepy thing here was that, she wasn't kidding...
